My car smells like crayons

Last week, Chris and I traded in the "soccer-mom-mobile" for a sensible sedan. I love it, Chris loves it - except for one thing.

We didn't notice it when we took it for a test drive, but only on the way home did we place the strangely reminiscent smell. Our favorite childhood tool for wall graphiti: the crayon. After we realized what it was, the smell became extremely overwhelming for the two of us.

Fuck, it smells so much like crayon.

After telling a friend about this at work, my intern says:
"My friend's Passatt smells like crayon. He's had it for a couple years and has never gotten rid of the smell"

DAMMIT. Wait - did I tell her we have a Jetta? Is this some weird, strange coincidence? Turns out, I didn't tell her we had a Volkswagen and it sounds like our car is doomed.
Determined to find a way to get rid of the smell, I decided to start big. Fuck those damn smelly trees, I went for the big guns.

Another friend from work told me about this uppity French store in Pacific Place that carried these things called "perfume blocks." For $14 you get four, approximately 1 inch square blocks of perfume, which will give off enough lovely scent to fill an entire 1500 square foot room.
According to my friend and the saleslady, I should split one (ONE) of these cubes in half and put it in the car. It will give off more than enough scent and might even be overwhelming, so DEFINTELY keep it away from the heat.

Right when I get into the car I open the package. It smelled wonderful, like a rainforest in the summer (*?*). Since the crayon smell is so strong in the car, I decide that instead of splitting one cube in half, I'll put out an entire cube. On the way home, I have no idea if I smell the cube itself or the perfume on my fingers. Either way, I pat myself on the back for overcoming the crayon. I get back to the house and park the car, full of excitement from when I'll get into a fresh, beautiful-smelling car the next day.

The next morning, I open the car door and get in.

I smell crayon. Fuck, it smells so much like crayon. FUUUUUCCCCKKK.
Over the next few days, I gradually add a cube to the original one I unwrapped and each day I'm greeted with that damn crayon smell. All four of the cubes have now been unwrapped and placed in the middle console of the car, underneath the heater.

I still smell crayon. These perfume fuckers were supposed to fill 1500 SQUARE FEET. That's bigger than our town home.

Oh well. Anybody wanna go to Chucky Cheese?