Upside-down, jerked around.

Being unemployed is like being on a rollercoaster with your eyes closed.

As I've gotten older, real rollercoaster rides have become more fun, because riding with eyes open allows me to at least somewhat prepare myself for the next loop or sharp turn. As a child, I never opened them and therefore, I never knew what to expect. Sheer terror one moment would transform into a calm melancholy the next, and then everywhere in between for the remainder of the ride.

That's how it feels being unemployed. While working, I would dream about days that I got to just sit around and do nothing. Or fantasize about finally finishing that one project or taking all of those walks that I promised myself I would one day do. But when all is said and done, being unemployed isn't fun.

First off, you have no money. And no money means that you can bug your friends to go out drinking on weeknights with you because you don't have to wake up early the next day. Plus, it's not college, no one wants to go out multiple times during the week anymore.

Secondly, you begin to become obsessed with daytime television. I find myself referring to something "Martha did the other day" and quoting Tyra Banks. It's kind of sickening, really.

Third, finding a job really, really sucks. All of my positions in the past have been kind of handed to me. This is the first time I'm really having to pursue work with nothing in the hopper. And in Week 7 (yes 7) of being unemployed, you begin to really second guess everything about yourself. It's the opposite of Stuart Smalley ("I'm NOT good enough, I'm NOT smart enough, and people DON'T like me). I know this is getting extreme, but when you get as bored as I am, these thoughts really start swimming.

But to look on a much brighter side, I get to go to Billy Joel tonight! As I type, I am adorned in the 1982 Billy Joel concert t-shirt David Bickley gave me when Chris and I got married (thanks David!) and listening to "Uptown Girl."

Also, old episodes of The X-Files in mute is really, really weird. I think I may try it with Dark Side of the Moon playing along with it next...

Oh Craigslist

Ryan, my co-worker, is looking for a new apartment. He came across this ad on Craiglist today. It's probably a joke, but if it's not, that's pretty fucking hilarious.


$400 Roommate wanted

Reply to: hous-336084408@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-22, 10:25AM PDT


Single white professional, 30, that needs a roommate to share a 1000 square foot town home in Fremont. I smoke outside only, have no pets, and expect the same of the potential roommate. I occasionally bring prostitutes home, and am cool with you doing the same, but I can rent a hotel if this is a problem. I prefer a female roommate because males tend to be less reliable and are more apt to stealing my stash. My last roommate was a girl and she had no problems with me. She left to start a porn business with her boyfriend in Vegas two months ago and I have been stuck paying rent for this entire place by myself since.

I am pretty quiet other than when I work on my Harley's in the basement on the weekends. I am 350 pounds, but am starting to ride my bicycle to work at the Hostess factory so I should lose some weight in the next few months if that bothers you. The $400 is negotiable, it is just what my last roommate paid.

a nice bus ride

Yesterday morning, my bus ride to work was surprisingly pleasant. Normally, my commute to and from work passes by without any major incidents, therefore, my mind normally voids the twice-a-day occurence altogether.

After all, who really wants to keep these memories in the forefront of their minds:

The homeless guy who sat at the front of the bus and had an extremely loud, sexually graphic, conversation...with himself of course. Or the guy who sits REALLY close to you, coughing horrendously, sneezing without covering anything up and just told his friend on the bus that he's so sick he's been puking in the bushes for the past 10 mintues before the bus came. Nonetheless, let's stick to the lovely bus ride of yesterday morn.

Upon arrival, the doors to the bus opened to reveal a hip bus driver, with an enormously wide grin (too wide for so early in the morning). I was waiting for the bus with some tough-looking kids heading to school. As they got on, the driver yelled at them "Hey Man, how you doin' - where's my coffee?" The "tough-guy grimace" on each of their faces faded into a great smile for everyone he said that to. And for each passenger he had a fun comment for them, giving an all-over happy aura to the bus's contents.

So the ride started off well. I didn't have my book, so I people-watched instead (I guess that's pretty obvious if I'm blogging about a damn bus ride).

I noticed a girl around the age of 17 at the front of the bus, with a wide-eyed, excited look on her face. Y'know, the kind of look that looked liked she was riding on the bus for the first time in the city by herself. She clutched a piece of folded paper in her hand and kept referring to it as we passed each cross-street.

A middle-aged couple got on the bus together and the woman was using a cane for support. Next to her, her boyfriend or husband was holding her purse for her. He was holding it as most men do when they're given a purse (like a football underneath the arm). But instead of the awkward, immasculated look most men dawn, he instead had a very confident look about him, sincerely concerned with the woman he was with instead of those around him.

At one point, when the bus started to become very crowded, his girlfriend tapped him on the shoulder and he got up to let a young woman sit down. Even as the bus became more and more full, the people in the front actually were courteous and let their elders sit down. It was amazing. I normally only see it for an obviuosly older person, but yesterday, anyone in their twenties got up and let someone older than them sit down. And I mean older like only five years older. There were such looks of relief on the newly-sitting down faces, it felt wonderful and surreal.

Getting closer to downtown, I noticed a gentleman sitting next to the 17-year old, talking to her and apparently trying to give her directions. She continued to look more and more confused. He was naming off crazy streets that didn't make any sense. Then at one point another girl yelled across the bus to the 17-year-old, "Hey, where are you going?" The 17 year old answered "1st and Marion." And then the girl on the other side of the bus said "Cool, you can get off with me at 3rd & Columbia - I'll show you where."

That's the same stop I get off, so my route down the hill was similar to theirs. As I left the two of them to enter my buiding at 2nd and Marion, they were chatting away as if they were old friends.

I try to practice acts of kindness as often as situations allow and I am always so happy to witness those random acts and people being courteous to each other. Unfortunately, I just don't get to see it very often.

To witness so many great moments in just a mere 20 minutes on a Wednesday morning really made me feel good about life and the human race in general. Maybe we're not doomed to kill each other off? Hmm.

Icky Vermin

Yesterday, I was talking to my boss about a project when he calmly said:

"whoa, that's a really big bug"

Since he's very sarcastic, I figured he was joking, until he confirmed that yes, there was a really big bug underneath my chair.

Freaking out (I really hate crawly things), I lifted my feet in the air and pleaded with my coworkers to get rid of it. At first, I thought they were looking at my jacket, so that freaked me out even more since my jacket was hanging on the back of my chair.

Finally, I was told to jump out of the chair and the nasty pest was taken care of. Examining the remains on the floor, we realized that it was a FUCKING HUGE COCKROACH (it was like 2 inches long and had wings).

A cockroach. In Seattle. What?

Apparently we have cockroaches in the building and it's been a problem for awhile. Ick.

I keep having the feeling that something keeps running across my feet today

coffee farts

Our company spans across three floors in our building. My work area is located on the middle floor and has a meager kitchen area, so I go downstairs to the big kitchen to fix my lunch.

While cleaning out my coffee mug to prepare it for my Cup o' Soup, an older gentleman walked in said "hello." Since I am still relatively new to the company and since there are a ton of consultants that I've never met before, its quite common to see strangers around the office.

As I continued to prepare my lunch, the man stood at a nearby table, stared quietly out the window and sipped his coffee.

Since it was "Cup o' Soup Day," I filled my mug with the familiar yellow Cream of Chicken powder and proceeded to the water cooler to fill my mug with hot water. The water cooler was situated right next to the table where the man was standing.

As you are all just as familiar with water coolers, you know that I had to lean down to access the hot water tab. As I bend to get the water, I am bombarded with the worst coffee fart smell ever.

I didn't know what to do. Should I gasp in horror for fresh air (as I normally do with Chris in the most dramatic way)? Do I give him a dirty look? Do I point out how nasty his fart was? COME ON who farts in a kitchen anyways?

My face was in a fart cloud. It literally feels dirty. Gross.

I guess that's karma for my Burger King fart at Sabey